that mouth is completely fooked up no one can have a mouth there otherwise they would be in a lab in some far away desert with a probe up their arse.

because you have had so little practice you have all these ideas flying around that you wanna put to paper but when you try your hand has its own agenda. I can see this here for instance you have seen some form of anime i.e. pokemon or yu-gi-oh on tv and try to copy the style of face; an innocent girl look?

well practice some sketches of the facial form and try to refine this and the nose shape also the way a head attaches to a neck.

also by just spending 1 hour more cleaning up the lines before colouring you will have a much more pro looking image. Oh one more problem is the knee cap, it looks like he's had a huge chunk chopped out of it, this is because instead of just shading the underneath of her knee you have surounded the shaded area with black outlines which makes it seem the depth is larger than you wished it to seem.

a final note is there is nothing wrong with coying. print out some of bomu's work or one of your fave manga artists work and try to copy it on another peice of paper (dont trace) by doing this your brain is remembering lines and forms subconciously. i swear to god that if you do one copy in sketch form every day for just 2 weeks you will notice a significant improvement. (always keep your lines loose don't force things)

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woot i can write shit in here i am well proud.